And So Much More!

Are You Tired of The Crazy Busy?!

3/9/2022

I used to be "crazy busy". All. The. Time. I really felt that way. Any time someone asked how I was I would answer: "Busy. Crazy busy."

What that meant was that I was overwhelmed. And I wore it like a badge of honor! I had so much to do it didn't seem possible and I never got it all done. I ended every day with a list of tasks that I didn't get done. So I would go to bed already behind for the next day! As I laid my head on the pillow, I felt defeated, because I already had additions to the already impossible to do list. There were just soooo many things that I "should" get done. Each day I would try to whittle away at my "should" do list. It was endless! It became my normal. It was a vicious cycle!

One day a friend pointed out to me that I always said I was crazy busy.
It took me a minute. . . And that I realized that I somehow was feeling like it was something to be proud of. That being crazy busy was a sign of succeeding in life. But if I was succeeding, why did it feel so shitty? How had I come to accept it as normal? And even good?! It didn't feel good at all! It was almost like I was frantically swimming and not getting anywhere and barely keeping my head above water. While not drowning is a success. . .I realized that deep down, I was meant to do more than that. . . And then I wondered if I really deserved better.
And thankfully there was a voice from deep down inside me that whispered: "Of course you deserve more. So much more!"

It isn't easy to hear the whisper, at first. And it is even harder to pay attention to it. But I DECIDED I wanted to! I embarked on a path of rediscovering the best parts of me. Of giving myself permission to be more of those parts. To pay less attention to my "should" do list and more attention to the whisper that was calling to me. From deep inside me. I started to do some of the things I enjoyed, again. I decided to indulge the voice that was telling me to have some fun.

It was a voice I recognized. It was the voice of the little girl locked in a closet because she was too emotional, but who still somehow knew that parts of her were lovable. It was the 22 year old me who landed her dream job/life as a flight attendant, when everyone said I should do something "more". It was the single mom who found moments to enjoy even if meant reading in the hammock and eating a lime popsicle after the kids were in bed, instead of cleaning the house.

I believe there is a fire burning in all of us to have MORE in life. No matter what you have, if you at all dream of something more or different, that means it is possible. And you deserve it! It looks different for everyone. Your dream is the opposite of a "should" do list. An it doesn't have to be huge. And it most definitely can be.

Are you ready to admit that you are want to give up the crazy busy? Are you willing to admit you believe there has to be more possible? Are you willing to admit you want more?

In some moments for me, it looks like this:
While my sweet pups are napping beside me, I break out my good matcha and make my latte. And then I sit in the chair by the window and admire the trees blowing in the wind. I hear the sounds of the birds chirping and airplanes flying overhead. I watch the squirrels playing in the yard. The calm of the morning. . . Aaaah. And then I begin to wonder what more is possible for me today.

If you set aside the "shoulds" for a minute and listen, what do you hear? Will you choose to listen? What will you do? What do you want to do?
What if you could tune in to the whisper.? . . . We could find your spark and begin to fan the flames. It can begin with a smoldering spark. But it is in there. In YOU! Are you ready to admit it? Are you ready to create more "space"? Now is the time to reduce the crazy busy and rebuild the fire inside you.
(Here's a secret- you don't need more time and it doesn't have to take a lot of time!)

I see you! I believe in you! I am sending out so much love; limitless love!

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Hooray for the Holidays!

12/20/2021

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Holidays are the best! Lots of family time! What could be better?!
. . .cue the record scratch. . . and let me start over. . .
Holidays aren't always the best and families aren't either. If your family is anything like mine there is likely some disfunction. There is a lot to families, it's can be complicated. And let me be clear, I love my family. Yes. Each and every one of them.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of them all! It has nothing to do with pilgrims for me. . .Each year for most of my life it has been a time when we have a huge gathering, spanning several generations of family. I think the biggest group ever was 60 people! As an extrovert, party lover and family gal, it doesn't get much better than our family Thanksgiving! When you marry into our family you are warned that our Thanksgiving is a priority, all the other holidays are negotiable. We have fun! And sometimes it is stressful.

I have gone each year with such an excited anticipation and a huge knot of stress in my chest. Yes, it is both for me. Sometimes being with my family of origin "requires" me to revert back to my 10 year old self OR be considered difficult. So I try to "behave" which for me requires being quiet. If you know me, you know that being quiet is not at all my thing! I am not necessarily loud but I do enjoy animated conversations and I am definitely not the wallflower type. But I was as a child at age 10!

The only thing that is certain on Thanksgiving is that I will make too many mashed potatoes and that I won't be able to stay quiet the whole time. I actually don't last long. I then I find myself forced to try to be someone else or people get mad. And I get stressed.

This year I wasn't going to attend the family gathering in St. Louis (where a majority of the extended family lives). And then my 93 year old dad called. A couple times he asked if I would be there. And my dad doesn't usually call me. (I will save that topic for another time). So I decided to make the trip and "celebrate" the holiday. But this time I decided to be me, unapologetically.

I had more fun! I felt more relaxed. Me being me, made things "uncomfortable" for some family members, in some moments. And to be clear our Thanksgiving holiday is not just on Thursday. There is family time for days. . . I did make too many mashed potatoes. I ate my dessert before my dinner- I wanted to be sure I got a piece of the apple pie I had made! I enjoyed my time with my cousins and their kids and my nieces and nephews. I did it as Me. It was for the most part one of the most enjoyable Turkey Days in years, in some ways. The day was not without an event. . . And we did have to have my dad taken by ambulance to the hospital that evening (he wasn't admitted and he was ok).

This year when the family stuff "happened" I had a bit of a meltdown in front of my family. I am not the one who has meltdowns in front of my family. I was feeling insignificant. I was feeling unseen and unloved. I wasn't ok with this. I don't ask for much. I was tired of feeling like an outsider in my own family. The interesting thing was that my "meltdown" was me allowing my true feelings to come out. It was me refusing to act like I was ok when I wasn't. And part of me was sad that it got to that point and part of me was proud. Proud of myself. . . of deciding that my feelings were legit. This is the first year I didn't "gaslight" myself. I didn't blame myself or explain away my discomfort. I let it be expressed. I showed how I truly felt. It was not the normal dynamic. No one was sure what to do. There is something about changing the perspective, shifting the focus, expressing a true emotion. . . It was definitely not planned. But it was honest. There was a bit of a shift. And there is something about sharing my truth that felt so right.

The very next day when I was finally on my way back home to Oregon, I felt more relaxed than I have other years. The fact that I was honest about my feelings and I didn't invalidate myself or pretend I was feeling differently than I was, was very freeing! I was able to allow myself to feel it all, unapologetically, and the feelings flowed through me and out. No more of holding it in for the sake of appearances! This year I came home relaxed. Happy to return to my puppy and without a bunch of "stuck" energy and emotion. This was definitely a much better way to navigate time with my family of origin. I had grown.

Whatever the holidays are like for you, I see you. I know first hand how challenging it can be. I believe you if you tell me you struggle in any way. And I definitely understand having mixed emotions or not being certain about whether you are excited to participate or not.

At the end of the day (or the holiday as the case may be). . . I stand for the truth. My truth. Your truth.
The best way to be is true to yourself.
Please let me know your thoughts. Can you relate?
Hugs,
Coach Cat

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